Post by hendo on Jul 14, 2020 17:49:02 GMT
Choosing A Manager
We might be able to start proper footy again soon, and for Godalming it will be a fresh era with a team led by our energetic and enthusiastic new manager, Phil Ruggles.
So far he seems an excellent choice for the role and congrats to the Committee who, no doubt, when searching for the right person must have encountered the same wide range of candidates as do clubs at any level; a range that includes ‘hopeless’, ‘bolshy’, ‘too nice’ and ‘downright weird’.
In the ‘bolshy’ category I’m a big fan of the grumpy Bulgarian legend, Hristo Stoichkov who, after pocketing his first paycheck at Celta Vigo, announced to an astonished media that he didn’t believe in using any tactics for his teams.
Prior to that appointment his unique people skills had forced three of his players into premature retirement and years of expensive therapy. His crowning moment was when, in a characteristic fit of pique, he took on an entire country, accusing the whole of Romania from the President down, of fixing a qualifier.
Another high-flyer in the ‘bolshy’ column is ex-Argentina national coach, Marcelo Bielsa who, following a streak of poor form, confronted disgruntled fans with a live hand grenade, then ran after them screaming, just in case they didn’t get the message. How he got the job is a mystery as he had already attempted to strangle a groundsman while at Athletic Bilbao, and once, somewhat disturbingly, ‘checked’ the legs of a sleeping young Mauriccio Pochettino with the excuse that he was seeing if Poch had the correct physique for his team ..at least, we can assume, that’s what he told the Judge.
There’s a big choice when it comes to ‘hopeless’. The ‘too nice’ World Cup winner, Alan Ball, was less a manager and more an efficient relegation machine, as on five occasions teams in his charge went down. His biggest blunder came on the last day of the 1995-96 season, when his time spent on the football field rather than in the maths classroom bit him on the arse. He told his Man City players that a draw was enough for survival, so consequently they were playing keep-ball, when the substituted Niall Quinn (GCSE Woodwork) rushed back from the changing rooms too late to inform everyone that City actually needed a winner to stay up.
Dumbarton's Jim Fallon has a claim on paper for being the most ‘hopeless’ of them all. Under him, the club's 1995-96 season record read: Played 34, won 1, drawn 2, lost 31. There must be something strange in the water up there because averaging 0.147 points per match convinced the board that he was definitely the man to lead them again the following year.
Heading the rich choice in the ‘weird’ category, I offer you Raymond Domenech, manager of France in the 1970s, who denies that he chose the national side based on their star sign, so it was probably just a coincidence that no Scorpios ever played under him.
Then there’s Felix Magath who, during his time as Fulham manager, suggested that defender Hangeland applied cheese to his knee injury.
Birmingham City blamed their consistent failure to gain promotion on a gypsy curse at St. Andrews. Their gullible manager, Barry Fry, attempted to remove the spell by urinating in the four corners of the St. Andrews' pitch. The result was still no promotion, and nobody would take the corner kicks.
In 2004, tired of just being his brother Nicolas’ agent, Claude Anelka decided he wanted to be the main man himself. He offered £300,000 to any club who would let him be their manager and Raith Rovers in Scottish Division One gratefully accepted. The downside of the deal was that Rovers achieved only one point from their next eight games, but the upside was that the entire Board had a fabulous holiday in the Seychelles …allegedly.
When money is tight and competition for players is fierce, managers have to think outside the box. Although I would hazard that few will go as far outside the box as Vanderbilt College's American Football team coach, James Franklin, who has taken to recruiting foetuses. If he sees a 6'6" man out shopping with his wife, and she's 6'2" and she's pregnant, he'll go up to them and offer their unborn child a guaranteed football scholarship.
We all know that Americans are bonkers and should never be allowed to gather in groups larger than three but even so, perhaps Phil is missing a trick. If he is building a team for the future, maybe he should pop down to the Guildford antenatal clinic and check all the ultrasound scans for any foetus who can kick their mother with either foot.
We might be able to start proper footy again soon, and for Godalming it will be a fresh era with a team led by our energetic and enthusiastic new manager, Phil Ruggles.
So far he seems an excellent choice for the role and congrats to the Committee who, no doubt, when searching for the right person must have encountered the same wide range of candidates as do clubs at any level; a range that includes ‘hopeless’, ‘bolshy’, ‘too nice’ and ‘downright weird’.
In the ‘bolshy’ category I’m a big fan of the grumpy Bulgarian legend, Hristo Stoichkov who, after pocketing his first paycheck at Celta Vigo, announced to an astonished media that he didn’t believe in using any tactics for his teams.
Prior to that appointment his unique people skills had forced three of his players into premature retirement and years of expensive therapy. His crowning moment was when, in a characteristic fit of pique, he took on an entire country, accusing the whole of Romania from the President down, of fixing a qualifier.
Another high-flyer in the ‘bolshy’ column is ex-Argentina national coach, Marcelo Bielsa who, following a streak of poor form, confronted disgruntled fans with a live hand grenade, then ran after them screaming, just in case they didn’t get the message. How he got the job is a mystery as he had already attempted to strangle a groundsman while at Athletic Bilbao, and once, somewhat disturbingly, ‘checked’ the legs of a sleeping young Mauriccio Pochettino with the excuse that he was seeing if Poch had the correct physique for his team ..at least, we can assume, that’s what he told the Judge.
There’s a big choice when it comes to ‘hopeless’. The ‘too nice’ World Cup winner, Alan Ball, was less a manager and more an efficient relegation machine, as on five occasions teams in his charge went down. His biggest blunder came on the last day of the 1995-96 season, when his time spent on the football field rather than in the maths classroom bit him on the arse. He told his Man City players that a draw was enough for survival, so consequently they were playing keep-ball, when the substituted Niall Quinn (GCSE Woodwork) rushed back from the changing rooms too late to inform everyone that City actually needed a winner to stay up.
Dumbarton's Jim Fallon has a claim on paper for being the most ‘hopeless’ of them all. Under him, the club's 1995-96 season record read: Played 34, won 1, drawn 2, lost 31. There must be something strange in the water up there because averaging 0.147 points per match convinced the board that he was definitely the man to lead them again the following year.
Heading the rich choice in the ‘weird’ category, I offer you Raymond Domenech, manager of France in the 1970s, who denies that he chose the national side based on their star sign, so it was probably just a coincidence that no Scorpios ever played under him.
Then there’s Felix Magath who, during his time as Fulham manager, suggested that defender Hangeland applied cheese to his knee injury.
Birmingham City blamed their consistent failure to gain promotion on a gypsy curse at St. Andrews. Their gullible manager, Barry Fry, attempted to remove the spell by urinating in the four corners of the St. Andrews' pitch. The result was still no promotion, and nobody would take the corner kicks.
In 2004, tired of just being his brother Nicolas’ agent, Claude Anelka decided he wanted to be the main man himself. He offered £300,000 to any club who would let him be their manager and Raith Rovers in Scottish Division One gratefully accepted. The downside of the deal was that Rovers achieved only one point from their next eight games, but the upside was that the entire Board had a fabulous holiday in the Seychelles …allegedly.
When money is tight and competition for players is fierce, managers have to think outside the box. Although I would hazard that few will go as far outside the box as Vanderbilt College's American Football team coach, James Franklin, who has taken to recruiting foetuses. If he sees a 6'6" man out shopping with his wife, and she's 6'2" and she's pregnant, he'll go up to them and offer their unborn child a guaranteed football scholarship.
We all know that Americans are bonkers and should never be allowed to gather in groups larger than three but even so, perhaps Phil is missing a trick. If he is building a team for the future, maybe he should pop down to the Guildford antenatal clinic and check all the ultrasound scans for any foetus who can kick their mother with either foot.