Post by hendo on Apr 17, 2020 12:17:49 GMT
Half time chats.
When things go wrong on the pitch during the first 45 minutes, managers have to find a way to make their point to their players at half time. Fergie resorted to the ‘hairdryer’ or the occasional teacup or boot toss, whilst Mourinho, when at Chelsea, even tried having the masseur deliver his words of inspiration.
At our own club, the much-not-missed Chuck Martini favoured screaming unintelligible abuse as loudly as possible. Sometimes his voice became so high-pitched that the players totally lost his thread but a group of dogs and bats, gathered outside the dressing room door, got the message and went for three across the back.
But nothing can compare to the invigorating half time talks delivered by Saddam Hussein’s charming son, Uday. I stress that all that follows is widely reported as being true.
Not one for enjoying the smell of sweaty kit, Uday addressed his players on a speakerphone set up in the dressing room. If things were not going well, he didn’t believe in switching formations or tactical substitutions, he just threatened to cut off the players’ legs and throw them to ravenous dogs.
That perked up the team no end.
With that motivational success, his unique techniques spread to the training ground, when any poor showing resulted in a player having all his hair shaved off his body. The punishment for missing sessions, even to attend a sick child or funeral, meant a spell in the country's most infamous torture prison at Al Radwaniya, near Baghdad.
A loss or a draw brought a flogging, and, after failing to reach the 1994 World Cup finals, the players were forced to kick a concrete ball around the prison yard. Perhaps Uday didn’t fully think that one through as he lost three players to serious foot injuries.
Uday kept a private torture scorecard; with instructions on how many times each player should be beaten on the soles of his feet.
His star players, such as Jaffar, came in for the most abuse. Jaffar's multiple spells in prison included the standard thrashings with lengths of electric cable, being made repeatedly to climb a 20-metre ladder and being forced to jump into a vat of raw sewage, sometimes after being dragged through a gravel pit. When Jaffar eventually ‘escaped’ to play for Qatar in the mid-90s he was forced to sign over 60% of his salary to Uday. …for old times sake.
Whilst not suggesting that we adopt such extreme practises at Godalming, if things are not going well, maybe Phil could pop into the dressing room at halftime suggestively twirling a 13amp extension lead and a Ladyshave.
When things go wrong on the pitch during the first 45 minutes, managers have to find a way to make their point to their players at half time. Fergie resorted to the ‘hairdryer’ or the occasional teacup or boot toss, whilst Mourinho, when at Chelsea, even tried having the masseur deliver his words of inspiration.
At our own club, the much-not-missed Chuck Martini favoured screaming unintelligible abuse as loudly as possible. Sometimes his voice became so high-pitched that the players totally lost his thread but a group of dogs and bats, gathered outside the dressing room door, got the message and went for three across the back.
But nothing can compare to the invigorating half time talks delivered by Saddam Hussein’s charming son, Uday. I stress that all that follows is widely reported as being true.
Not one for enjoying the smell of sweaty kit, Uday addressed his players on a speakerphone set up in the dressing room. If things were not going well, he didn’t believe in switching formations or tactical substitutions, he just threatened to cut off the players’ legs and throw them to ravenous dogs.
That perked up the team no end.
With that motivational success, his unique techniques spread to the training ground, when any poor showing resulted in a player having all his hair shaved off his body. The punishment for missing sessions, even to attend a sick child or funeral, meant a spell in the country's most infamous torture prison at Al Radwaniya, near Baghdad.
A loss or a draw brought a flogging, and, after failing to reach the 1994 World Cup finals, the players were forced to kick a concrete ball around the prison yard. Perhaps Uday didn’t fully think that one through as he lost three players to serious foot injuries.
Uday kept a private torture scorecard; with instructions on how many times each player should be beaten on the soles of his feet.
His star players, such as Jaffar, came in for the most abuse. Jaffar's multiple spells in prison included the standard thrashings with lengths of electric cable, being made repeatedly to climb a 20-metre ladder and being forced to jump into a vat of raw sewage, sometimes after being dragged through a gravel pit. When Jaffar eventually ‘escaped’ to play for Qatar in the mid-90s he was forced to sign over 60% of his salary to Uday. …for old times sake.
Whilst not suggesting that we adopt such extreme practises at Godalming, if things are not going well, maybe Phil could pop into the dressing room at halftime suggestively twirling a 13amp extension lead and a Ladyshave.